Game of Thrones, cancer and me
When TV critic Sarah Hughes was told she had incurable cancer, one of the first questions that popped into her head was: what if I dont find out how GoT ends? Here she describes the part the saga has played in the hardest parts of her life
The strangest thing about getting bad news is that your mind doesnt quite act in the expected ways. When my oncologist told me that my triple negative breast cancer, diagnosed in 2017 when I was 44, had metastasised, spreading to my liver and was now stage 4 and incurable, the first thought that popped into my head, after the initial throat-closing I dont want to leave Kris and the kids, was what if I never find out how Game of Thrones actually ends?
You may laugh and I did sitting in that sterile appointment room in front of my concerned oncologist and the lovely nurse Id forever now think of as my own angel of death. It was such an incongruous thought at such a serious time. Yet it also seemed like a legitimate concern.
For once Id thought about Game of Thrones, then all the other things I might never finish rushed through my mind. The series left incomplete, the music I might never listen to, the plays Id never watch, the conversations Id never have about books Id never get to read. Even the possibility that my football team, Tottenham Hotspur, might actually reward a lifetime of faithful trudging to White Hart Lane and Wembley by winning something (I am nothing if not an optimist at heart).
It feels morbid to be thinking this way after all, my cancer is currently incurable but not terminal and yet I cant deny that every time I read about a film thats coming next year or the new book by an author Ive loved, my initial response is not to think, Oh great, I cant wait for that, but instead to wonder if Ill still be here when it arrives.
Yet its important to acknowledge those thoughts, grim though they might seem. We talk a lot about fighting cancer, and about surviving it, too. Less often about living with and, eventually, in all probability, dying from it. Since last October when I learned that the cancer had spread, this has been my reality: a daily grind of living with a chronic illness blood tests, steroids, chemotherapy every three weeks, scan after scan after scan.
Its true, too, that no one reacts in the same way to getting a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. There are those who overhaul their diet; who throw out the red meat, the bars of chocolate, the bags of crisps and dedicate their lives to an improving diet, cooking beautiful meals made of kale and turmeric and blueberries and who feel, and often look, much better for it.
There are those whose first thought is to exercise; who head to the gym and pound the pavements and show, repeatedly and admirably, that their bodies are as strong and fit as they were before.
And there are those whose overwhelming urge is simply to get into bed and stay there. There are people who investigate every possible way of staying alive and people who think: Sod it, Im going to live my life as I always have and see what happens next.
Hi my name is Kareem Maize and welcome to my personal blog. I am 26 year old musician and information technology professional with a passion for learning new aspects of life everyday. On my journey to express myself I began blogging to share my ideas with others. Now I intend to write fun, interesting, and engaging content for my viewers to help them grow spiritually, physically, and mentally . The concept of belief systems and the law of attraction peak my interest!!! I believe blogging about my personal experiences, beliefs, and ideas is the best way to achieve these goals!!!